anxiety, elation, snow

January ended with a lot of apprehension and anxiety, followed by a feeling of total relief.

A medical test uncovered what the doctor called "an abnormality." That was followed up by an ultrasound test, which revealed a cluster of "suspicious spots." There was a week between these two tests and they told me at the ultrasound I would need a biopsy - another week to wait, stew and imagine the worst.

On the day of the biopsy I found I needed to lie on a table and "try not to move." The high-tech biopsy machine was connected to a computer so the techs and the doctor could see where the lumps were and where the needles were. It took a little while to line everything up, then they discovered the cluster of spots were closer to the surface of the skin and they had to change the needle they were using.

While it wasn't painful, it was extremely uncomfortable not being able to move. As soon as they started, the hair on my neck started to tickle my ear. Then my nose began to itch. Pretty soon my arms and legs started to lock in place. And the entire procedure took more than 2 hours. I was so happy to be able to sit up and loosen my muscles.

Following that one, we went to another room where the lumps on the opposite side were biopsied. That part was fairly easy and took less than 30 minutes.

After that, I had to have another digital exam and get the compression bandage (so it would help control any bleeding inside the biopsy sites). By the time I got home, I had been there for more than 4 hours.

Then it was two days of waiting for results. When they came back benign, it was such a relief. There was no bruising and very little pain following the procedures. I'm so grateful the doctors here are quick to respond to results, even benign ones. They take the patient's feelings into consideration; they explain everything in advance and they tell you what they're doing as the procedure progresses. That helped ease my anxiety a great deal.

For nearly 3 weeks I was obsessing about this: What if? Will I have to have chemo or radiation? How will that affect me? Will I need surgery? How will this affect my trip to New Mexico and Arizona? (I know, that's pretty small in the overall scheme, but I'm really looking forward to this vacation and to seeing my friends down there.)

So now that ordeal is over, I'm getting back to normal. We've been enjoying some relatively warm weather and getting a little more snow. Though I've reached the point in winter when I really want it to fly by, the fresh snow is gorgeous.



 These leaves are clinging to the branches, adding a bright spot as we drove by.

The sun on the snow and the blue sky in the background really appealed to me.

The Yukon Quest started yesterday in Whitehorse. Although I don't have a favorite in the race, I'll be following it and looking forward to maybe seeing a few of the teams arrive at the finish line downtown on the Chena River. I love watching those dogs. They're so enthusiastic and want to run so badly.

I bought some new luggage with the spinner wheels, some new summer clothes and a 16 GB memory stick for my camera in preparation for our trip. The forecast is calling for some temperatures near 20 below (for the lows) toward the end of next week, but I'm focusing on the Southwest and warm!